I really do laugh a lot. Even though I feel like I'm chillin at rock bottom.

Even when my [ex]best friends dad/my boss told me he loved me, I think I laughed for a month straight.

I think I'm getting a cavity too :/ because that's awesome.

So I developed a crush on josh. I told curt about it and he told me that when josh and I had a thing I guess he did want to date me.

But I think I might have ruined it by going back to Joel. Twice.

It makes me wonder why I allowed myself to be so stupid. Josh is such a sweet guy, who actually liked me and wanted to date.

Though sometimes I wish Joel would just stop what he's doing and come back. That was easy and it felt more right than anything. I miss being understood without having to explain myself.

I miss having a car too. And money.

I miss having friends and seeing them regularly.

This past weekend I got incredibly drunk. One bar wouldn't even let me in saying I was too drunk.

I think they might have been prepping for the superbowl.

I'm supposed to go downtown this weekend, but being around all those crazy drunk out-of-towners doesn't look too appealing. Plus I have no cash.

I think I just need to get laid.