We have to move by the end of the week. I'm pretty stressed out. He's been looking at two bedroom places though. I've kind of been mourning my studio. But I'll have my cat again.
I've also thought about well what if I find a better job there? Maybe I could find a space and rent that.
I feel like a probably wouldn't do that though and I'm just trying to make myself feel better. It just kind of sucks going to less. I feel like I'm always losing.
I got most of my stuff packed. I have some of his, just I have a bunch of fragile stuff.
We did look at some places here, and it kind of sucked. I saw a billboard about transferring to one of the universities out here. It made me think about how I only have a stupid associates degree in fine art. Like I should have just transferred to one of the schools here, or one out of here completely.
Maybe I do suck, like I'll always base my decisions on other people. I'll never actually do anything on my own. I'll always give in hopes I'll receive.
It's one thing I have against karma. Like im really fucking trying here, but I guess I just get rare samples of semi-happiness. Like it's not the best thing to happen, because something about it sucked.
If I think about it I could easily cry.
stephanie | says