So I guess I have a problem telling people my "true feelings"

I mean i never talk about anything serious. Then i get upset when conversations don't go as well as i want them to.

I guess I just have a hard time talking about how i feel. I always keep things in and never complain, confess, or breakdown around people.

I write in an online diary.

I guess it sort of annoys me because sometimes i think it holds me back.

Like maybe if i talk to someone about how grandma dying has affected me i could maybe start to move on.

I've really been thinking about the past few phone conversations I've had with Joel.

Pretty much to even make this thing work one of us would eventually have to move.

Like I could do the long distance thing.

I don't think he could. I'm ten years younger though. I've got time to figure my stuff out.

He talks about getting a house and promotions, while I talk about my career plans and wanting to move out of my dads.

I know my age bothers him. The fact I look younger makes him feel like a perv I guess.

Because people really have stared at us. It sucks and makes me feel like crap. Because I don't know what goes through his head when that stuff happens.

I also don't see him moving up here anytime soon, or waiting to be with me full-time.

At least that's what I'm going with.

I had a good time last night though. Even though my "friends" are douches. I ended up hanging out with Sean and Damian.

I ended up passing out on the couch and woke up to a text from my dad asking if I was ok.

It was all good though. We just smoked and listened to some beats. Damian actually asked if I could do some solo samples for him.

I also helped create a beat.

Like Sean and Damian are actually pretty good. Like they make money at least. I could really see them making it.

Dan has also asked me to play for his band.

Maybe i should give in and do it. See how it goes.