I feel like i suck as a person lately.

My sister came to visit for thanksgiving. She brought her husband, which is sort of awkward because i really don't know him very well.

She kind of annoyed me because she kept asking about joel, but she'd call him bastard or douche. And she wanted to meet him when he came up, but i said no.

There is no way he is meeting family anytime soon. First they all seem to hate everything about him [even though i have told them very good things about him] and second my family is fucking nuts. Like if he did meet them my sister would probably ask him blunt and offensive questions like she was asking about the weather.

Like i understand my sister, but he doesn't.

I miss him and i think about him all of the time. I seriously even thought about how much i think about him.

It really is sort of depressing realizing all you do is think about a boy.

I sort of feel weird for saying boy because he definitely not a boy. But saying man sounds sort of silly in my head.

plus it sounds too serious.

I thought about telling him i loved him, but everytime i just think about saying it i can feel myself start to panic and my throat starts to close up. So i stop.

i just don't think i can say it.

Also, I hate my job. I have already cried there several times. Which is kind of funny because I really do just cry a lot so I ended up telling my friend josh and then laughed about it.

The people I work with are just really rude. Even to the customers. Like seriously if I didn't work there I probably wouldn't go in there.

Fuck.