i didn't make it to forty-eight hours.

i was about two hours away when i just passed out. it was awesome.

i don't remember falling asleep.

so this guy who hates me at work decided to go around saying that me and this other guy we work with have a "thing" going on.

it's just kind of weird that he'd say that since i never work with him.

this kid also has a myspace and his company is the "i hate steph club"

i thought it was funny. i don't even know what i did to make him hate me so much, but oh well. he's one of the douches that you don't want to know anyways.

i feel like a lot has happened lately, but i guess not.

i've been going through the junk in my room trying to "downsize" but it's hard when i make piles of "keep" and "don't keep" and at the end i throw them back together.

a few weeks ago neil got really drunk and started yelling in my face.

so my mom had me call her the next day trying to get me to move in with her so i wouldn't have to put up with that anymore. it's not the first time that has happened.

i just don't know when my mom is going to get it into her head that i don't want to live with her.

my life is here, and i want to stay here. not forever or anything, but i need to be with the people i know.

it also annoyed me when she was telling me that she didn't think i was happy with myself.

i'm perfectly fine with myself. i mean there are moments when i don't feel too hot about my life, but i'm pretty sure everyone goes through that. i hate how she just assumes what i'm like.

and she told me she thinks i use boys to make myself feel good, and then asked me when the last time i had sex.

she said "i know it wasn't that long ago..." like a week.

no, it's definitely been like three months.

but way to go...

she also thinks i'm an alcoholic.

all this really makes me want to pick up my life and go live under a magnifying glass.

i remember when i was growing up i always thought she was the "cool" parent. i did want to live with her, but i'm a lot closer with my dad now and i don't want to ruin that.

i wish i could go back to not knowing her.

when i went to visit her my senior year, i didn't even recognize her. i went eight years without seeing her, and five not talking to her.

i feel bad now.