i hate it when i put a lot of spaces between paragraphs to let it be know i'm talking about something else and it doesn't show up, but in another area of the entry it does.

i'm allowed to get annoyed by these little things because i'm a human.

that's what we do.

timothy and i were talking about a bunch of "deep" random stuff last week.

that's our "thing" i guess. we never have "deep" conversations with other people.

usually i'm laughing during the entire conversation.

i laugh a lot. like A LOT, because i get nervous and i feel awkward a lot. and that's how i cope i guess.

i bite my nails too.

but anyways, i brought up existence. that's really fun to talk about if you aren't afraid to let your weird thoughts out and aren't afraid to use your imagination.

if you ever feel the need to start up that conversation with someone, look up solipsism.

read that first.

so what's kind of funny but not really...

i feel like my life is falling apart. like completely.

like i generally see myself as a happy, life loving, laid-back kind of girl.

but that happy part is what's crazy.

i'm not as happy with everything like i thought. like i'm actually not happy at all.

when you have your view set on something and then it's revealed to be false, it's devastating.

well not devastating, but you know... it sucks.

it's like loving cherry pie and then years later you find out you've really just been eating apple.

whoaaa.

anyways, so yesterday this all came crashing down on me.

but you know what the funny part that isn't even really that funny is?

i've been euphoric to the highest degree.

but i know everything is shit.

and i know in a week or so i'm going to hit that low, and i'm going to realize how stupid i was for even acting that way.

i get this way outside of realizing everything is shit, and when i do i tend to go crazy.

like i just say things and i don't really think about my actions.

i'm like a wrecking ball.

i sent a message to my friend telling them a whole bunch of stuff i just had to state. not particularly to them or anything, i just HAD to tell someone.

that message was sooo long it kept freezing my computer.

today i wish i hadn't sent it.

sometimes i wish i was a crazy socially inept hermit.

the other night at the party i drew on a napkin.

i just found it.

it's a panda riding an apple, hahaha.