So I went and saw joel again, sort of spur of the moment.

Found out several things. Came home confused by what any of it means.

He gave me a blank check and called it a test of trust. I guess if I ever find myself in a situation that I can't afford, then to just let him know I'm going to use it.

I sort of feel like ripping it up. I just stuck it in a drawer though. Probably going to forget about it.

Over dinner when we were just talking I said when I move out again I'm going to need a roommate, and it'll probably be someone I don't know very well.

I would move out with Lisa, but I have a strong feeling that even though she talks about coming back to Indiana, she is not.

He told me if I play my cards right I'll be living with him. Then told me that the only women he's lived with he's been engaged to and that they obviously didn't work out.

Why would he bring that up? I told him they were obviously not the right women.

Then we got in a fight about how I wanted a Buddha tattoo. It was awesome. He doesn't know as much as he thinks he does.

It just kind of bothers me when he talks about this being a relationship and possibly moving in one day. Because he's said that stuff before and he's disappeared. And I did yell him my fears about that, and how I am allowed to have those fears because it's happened before.

Part of me just wonders when it's all going to come crashing down.