so yesterday i called my mom and my little brother picked up. i talked to him for a bit.

he's eleven and didn't even know who i was when talking to him.

i've only seen him twice since he was a baby.

i feel terrible not knowing him, you know? i mean it's understandable why i feel that way.

what's going to happen when we are older and he's out of school?

i hate this distance between us. i forget about them.

my mom tries to get me to move out there like two of my sisters did, but i can't. my life is here, not in pittsburgh.

i already feel lonely in this small town, putting me in a big city would make matters worse.

my dad made a dinner, just me and him though.

we didn't eat together, it was boring.

i watched clowns on tv do a rendition of goldie locks.

then i went to walmart.

on my way home i noticed my boss was at work so i went in a helped her decorate for christmas.

then i went with her and her kids to big lots to buy some more decorations, and her oldest daughter kept following me around.

it was kind of like a temporary little sister. hahaha, i guess she looks up to me. sherry told me that once.

i just feel like i use people.