the worst feeling in the wold is when you can feel your heart beat. it makes your body feel like its pulsating and drowning at the same time. trying to get air into your lungs, but you find out you can breathe just fine.

i had a dream that i ate cocaine pills.

there was more to it than that, but i don't feel like telling it.

i feel like i should write a bunch of random entries so i actually have an archive of more than two or three.

i think i am starting to lose it. i feel weird all of the time and i can't talk to anyone really. i don't mean "talk" as in "let me tell you my feelings", i just mean in general.

i mean my close friends and boyfriend i can talk to, but that's about five people. i'm talking about those random run-ins you have in public with someone you know.

i feel bad because they probably think i hate them, because i don't make eye contact and i don't say very much.

i really just have no idea what to say and i feel weird saying anything at all.